Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
