yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
