I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
