Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
