God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
