I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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