so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
