I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
