Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
