you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
