i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
