I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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