fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
