Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
