So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
