I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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