sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I enjoy the company of your penis
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