There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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