There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Randomize
