This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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