3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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