Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
