So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
did i just pee glitter
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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