there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
