He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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