sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
