Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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