So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I came so hard my ears popped.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
