You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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