i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
