Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
