Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
