Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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