I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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