My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
