I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Im part way to drunk.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
