So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
