I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Holy shit dude........stairs
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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