I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
