Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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