i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
either way he was missing a nipple.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
