Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
