Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
