You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
