i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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