you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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