Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
