Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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