He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
