In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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