Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
